Most relationships have their Relationship Routine ups and downs. The early stages are often marked by intense and passionate emotions that gradually ease over time. As the relationship becomes more stable and safer, many begin to fear or experience boredom, routine, and lack of passion.
Is it possible to reintroduce some emotions into a monotonous relationship, or is the only salvation in order not to live like roommates is to break up and start a YourLatinMates.com new start with someone else?
Is boredom a sign that it’s time for therapy / coaching and can any boredom and routine be overcome? Or maybe boredom is a natural part of any relationship, so there’s no point in running away from it? Does every relationship experience this?
Many people wonder about it. J, if you are too, read yours below, I have some tips for you below.
What is a relationship routine?
The ebb and flow of relationships are part of our daily routine – it’s just the way it is in partnership with another person. Moving a relationship from the stage of excitement, passion to a greater habit, routine, sense of security is completely natural.
However, there is a difference between a safe relationship with an established routine and a boring, unconnected one. To fully understand this, let me start with a few words about the phases a relationship goes through.
5 stages in love – causes of routine and boredom in a relationship
Stage 1 – Romantic love
The initial phase lasts from a few months to two years. A period full of passion, emotion, and courage to take risks. A stage where routine or boredom is unlikely to be a challenge, but love is not yet mature.
Stage 2 – fights and conflicts / seeing differences – the phase of noticing differences and the need for more and more space. The main dilemma of this period is the lack of certainty whether we really want to be together. This is the first stage when couples decide to break up or work on a relationship. If in this phase, instead of building a foundation for mature love (understanding their values, boundaries, emotions, communication styles), a couple tries to return to the stage of romantic love after an argument, then they may get stuck in a relationship in which boredom, distance, and distance appear for many years . life next to each other, lack of ties , interspersed with episodes of conflict and romantic rapture.
Stage 3 – stabilization
The phase that follows stage 2, if the couple has built a foundation for mature love. The main challenge at this stage is conscious care for rituals that strengthen the bond between partners. At this stage, they cite the feeling of routine, lack of strong emotions as the main reason for their dissatisfaction. This is another moment of looking for support from specialists, this time to break routine, dispassion, and not, as in the case of Phase 2, to resolve conflicts.
Stage 4 – fullness
the stage achieved by the partners who, in stage 3, built daily rituals to strengthen their friendship, emotional bond and passion. It is a time of full self-awareness, YourLatinMates making decisions respecting the needs of the other party and putting the good of the relationship first.
The stages mentioned above have nothing to do with the internship, nor are they linear. There are couples who build wholeness with each other in 2 years and some who can have 10 years experience and still be stuck in phase 2.
Is a relationship routine wrong?
Not. Routine, i.e. functioning according to established patterns is a natural part of our nature and a condition for a sense of security. Predictability is the basic value for a relationship to function harmoniously. A well-understood routine means that you can be sure that your partner’s behavior is predictable and therefore you can feel safe. Can you imagine a relationship in which you would have to think about how your partner / your partner will behave or will be with you when you come home after work? I don’t think so!
Where does boredom in a relationship come from?
Comfort in a relationship is a good thing. In contrast, boredom in a relationship is characterized by loss of interest, distance, or a lack of emotional connection. Boredom is not a routine, it is the result of building a relationship on a shaky foundation.
If you are wondering why some people build a solid foundation and experience nothing but a safe routine, others destructive boredom and distance – read the reasons below:
Unrealistic expectations for a relationship
A rush of positive emotions when two characters overcome all difficulties, fall in love and live long and happy lives, is a good mood enhancer. There’s nothing wrong with romantic comedies, but expecting a Netflix story-level relationship is unrealistic. Such perceptions mean that the partners can try at all costs to keep the relationship in the initial phase of infatuation / falling in love.
Mixing infatuation with love
There are people who love the state of being in love so much that they are more attached to their emotions and do not really try to get to know the other side. One of the main reasons for this attitude is often the lack of the emotional availability needed to open up to the next stage of a relationship.
The goal – to be in a relationship, not to be happy
Boredom, lack of emotional bond, especially those people who in being in a relationship or getting married see a goal in itself, after which they stop trying, intentionally taking care of the relationship on a daily basis. Boredom is much less likely to affect people whose main goal is happiness. Note that most people ask singles when they will make their lives together and rarely ask spouses / partners if they feel happy with each other!
Getting used to chaos
People who experienced chaos in childhood, insecurity, uncertainty in adulthood, lack of stabilization, and seeking emotionally unavailable people may be perceived as true love. If tears, struggles, and dilemmas were present in most of your relationships, then working to heal your sense of security is a priority.
Boredom in a relationship – symptoms
Are you wondering what is the difference between boredom, which is destructive for a relationship, and a good, safe routine?
Here are some signs of boredom that can lead to a breakup:
- lack of interest in the life, feelings and interests of his / her partner,
- lack of a common vision, plans for the future,
- preferring to spend time with other people,
- increasing lack of acceptance of the character of a partner,
- the feeling that you have nothing in common except for children or a shared loan,
- no common topics, only “logistic” conversations,
- lack of physical attraction,
- being together because of the fear that he won’t cope on his own or a reluctance to start over.
Routine, boredom and monotony in a relationship. How to fight them?
If you see signs of boredom and increasing distance in your relationship, it is worth considering first which phase your relationship is in (see above). Then I recommend that you familiarize yourself with the concept of the so-called home healthy relationship dr. John Gottman. For over 30 years, Gottman has researching. The reasons why some people are happy and fulfill in their relationships and others are not.
How can you keep your relationship from getting bored?
The first three levels of the house of healthy relationships according to Gottman’s concept are the foundation of friendship between partners and opponents of boredom.
Level 1: love map
The love map is a guide to your partner’s inner world. It is a thorough understanding of the likes and dislikes of the other party. Knowing who her best friend is, how she remembers her childhood, how she wants to rest after a busy day, etc. Mapping love means asking the right questions throughout the relationship to learn as much as possible about your partner’s inner world.
Level 2: sympathy and admiration
This level is about sharing sympathy and admiration, highlighting. The qualities you appreciate in your partner, preferably as often as possible throughout. The duration of the relationship. It could be a sense of humor or the way he is always willing to help someone in need, is by expressing big and small reasons. Why you love your partner.
Level 3: reciprocity
It is about responding to gestures when the other side needs attention, support, and comfort. When each of the partners turns towards each other. Reacts to the gestures and needs of the other party. The relationship becomes a safe space for expressing themselves and their needs.
How to avoid routine in a relationship? – some ideas
One of the foundations of a happy relationship is predictability, a safe routine. But it is equally important to be unpredictable, open to getting to know new things. Places, tastes, people, new common interests. It is openness to surprises, non-standard ideas, searching for changes in everyday functioning. It is worth considering:
- Was the last time you did something spontaneous with your partner?
- When was the last time you were dating together?
- The last time you talk about your desires, dreams for the future?
- When did you have time to do something beyond your daily chores?
Happy relationships with a long experience are based on friendship, trust and daily commitment. If you want to cultivate friendship in your relationship, you need to make sure you show your commitment consistently. Trust and commitment are not built overnight or with great gestures on. The occasion of holidays or birthdays! These are everyday little gestures. That ultimately make a decisive impact on your relationship.